Some funny stuff. Bleep added by me.

The first, and probably most important, step to surviving the impending hurricane is to pause and take a look around yourself. Are you living in a coastal community known for feeling the brunt of hurricanes? If so, good job brainiac, you've just totally [Bleeped] up the first step. The easiest way to survive a hurricane is to stay away from hurricanes. While powerful, hurricanes rarely reach into America's fortress of solitude also known as the Midwest. Sure the Midwest can still suffer at the unkind hands of tornadoes, severe thunderstorms, and volcanoes but once you've seen a hurricane up close you're going to think those three are friendly visitors doing a little high speed landscaping.
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Windows are the weakest link the defensive perimeter of any home. They are broken by intruders, rocks thrown by mobsters, Spandrel anti-tank missiles, violent house cats, and sometimes even hurricanes. A broken window is bad, but a really fast broken window can be deadly. Most windows are travelling at zero miles per hour and still manage to kill several dozen toddlers and drunks in a year. A window accelerated to thirty or forty miles per hour deals out the lethal pain to hundreds of automobile drivers and pedestrians walking near high rise construction zones.
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One of the largest forms of entertainment prior to the invention of radio was the organ grinder. Most pet importers can supply you with a trained monkey and monkeys eat basically the same things as people so you should be set for carrying for it after the hurricane. If not monkeys come from the jungle and can probably forage for food among the corpses drifting around your waterlogged town. As for the organ part, you can fashion a passable accordion from the bones and flesh of your fallen foes.

-- Something Awful